On the way to Mexico

I've been friends with Vegas for 15 years. Throughout that time many a memory have been made, most of which have some hysterical ending that gets almost any audience laughing. This is one of them.
Vegas and I have traveled a lot together. Usually people have stories about seeing national monuments together or running into celebrities. While we have, indeed, visited the Statue of Liberty and met Wayne Brady together, there tends to be some unbelievable experience which always overshadows the normal stuff (like the time when we were 15 and I accidentally broke her nose). The summer of 2004 Vegas had invited me to spend about a week with her family in Rocky Point, Mexico. They owned a condo down there and it was common for us to spend a weekend every now and then on the beach. The difference between this trip and others was not only did we drive in separate cars from her parents, but we drove down two days after they had. FREEDOM! It wasn't a difficult drive, about 4-5 hours...no crazy mountain ranges or anything and we were leaving early enough in the day that we wouldn't have to worry about it getting dark on us.
The bright blue, Dodge Neon, which Vegas nicknamed Billy, only had the radio and a tape deck. To keep ourselves entertained during the drive we hooked up my discman (yes, discman) to her stereo and rocked out to some tunes (ie NSYNC, Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, you get the idea). Our last stop for gas before entering Mexico was in the middle of nowhere. No cell phone service, no buildings, just a little convenient store surrounded by desert. Right as Vegas finished filling up an SUV full of guys our age...cute guys...pulled into the lot and walked inside. I looked at Vegas and it was then we both decided we should go use the restroom because who knows when we can stop again *wink wink*. Immediately after walking into the store we scanned for the cute guys who were scattered all over. Luckily, the bathrooms were in the far back so we had to walk by all them in order to reach our destination. Let me pause here...I have no idea why exactly we felt the need to go inside and look at the guys. We had just seen them in the parking lot, not like they were going to be any different and not like we were going to actually talk to them...its one of those things that you do and then later think, "WHY?!"
Moving on- as we slowly made our way to the restrooms one of the guys started to head in the same direction so I kept my eyes on him. My slight smile turned into a face of slight shock when the guy walked into the ladies room instead of the mens. Was that really a girl? Was he illiterate? Or did he just totally make a hilarious mistake and will soon realized he's in the wrong bathroom?
Turns out it was the latter and he came bolting out of there like a race horse. Pure instinct took over and I laughed...loud. Vegas grabbed me and pulled me into the restroom giggling herself but telling me to "SHHHH". I felt kind of bad for laughing so hard but come on, that's funny. Not even needing to use the restroom, the two of us sneak out of the store (I really didn't want to see that guy again, too embarrassed for him), and hopped into the car, blasting our pop music.
Vegas and I start re-living the boy walking into the girls bathroom moment with laughter; good times. She was behind the wheel and would glance over to me while we talked and everything was fine until she faced me and I looked forward noticing a major bend in the road. It was the kind of curve that had 4 of those huge yellow signs with one big black "<" (arrow) warning you the road is changing drastically. There may have also been a recommended speed while entering the bend but I can't really remember. I glance at the speedometer (which I won't give away her actual speed but lets just say, anywhere in the US her speed was ticket worthy). My only reaction is to point and scream as we quickly got closer and closer to that curve. Vegas started screaming, panicked, and which hands on 10 and 2 slammed on the breaks as we headed directly towards one of those big yellow signs.
This next part happened in a matter of seconds but I'll break it down for you:
You know that whole "my life flashed before my eyes" hoopla. That didn't happen to me. What happened was this all of a sudden major sense of "when we hit that sign is it going to bust through the windshield and possibly decapitate me?!" That may be gory but its the honest truth of what I was thinking. I ducked my head and braced for impact....NOTHING. We ran over that sign like a bowling ball over a blade of grass. Hats off the the engineers behind making sure the signs aren't harmful when morons like us aren't paying attention. I can only imagine what it might have looked like to see that little blue Neon flying off the freeway and into the desert. With her foot still on the brakes, Vegas was in a frightened trance as we both held on and screamed. The desert sand made the tire treads pretty worthless and we just couldn't stop. It kind of felt like we were on the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland except for this was real! The car finally came to a stop when we hit a small tree.
This may be a figment of my imagination but I remember a little smoke fuming out of the hood. The car was silent and Vegas started hyperventilating and making this awful half crying noise. Trying to avoid a hysterical meltdown, I held it together and with a chipper voice said, "Its ok. We're fine. Its fine. We will just get out our cell phones and call someone," knowing all too well that we don't have cell service and who are we going to call? We are just outside Mexico! Still not speaking English or any form of it Vegas is fanning her face looking around for who knows what. I take the keys out of the engine (in movies stuff always blows up and while I can deal with our car hitting a sign, barreling into the desert, and hitting a small tree, I'm not down with the whole escaping out of a burning vehicle. I mean, I'd do it if I had to, but lets not take any chances). In the review mirror I see a car coming down the freeway. Yes, they are sure to stop and make sure the girls in the blue car, in the middle of shrubbery, are ok...right??? As the SUV got closer we could tell it was the guys from the gas station...and they just kept on driving!!! Apparently that's all Vegas needed and broke the silence with, "ASS HOLES!!!" Awww, shes back. *tear*.
"Now what?" She asked. I suggest turning the car back on and seeing if it even runs and then we will go from there. It does. Next, Vegas puts it in reverse and slowly backed out of the desert jungle we got ourselves into. As the car starts to pull away she gets to thinking, "How bad do you think the damage is?"
"I can get out and look but I'd rather do it on the pavement because of snakes and critters", I say.
She understands and decides we will pull off at the next exit and assess the damage. As we make our way back down the freeway, every car that passes us points and stares. Crap! The car must really look beat up from the outside for people driving past to notice. One by one, as the cars pass us Vegas starts to worry. "My parents are going to kill me!" I kept trying to talk it down and told her we just have to wait and see. Finally an exit appeared and we pulled into a small parking lot.
"I can't look. You do it," Vegas whines.
"Veg, I'm nervous too. You really want me to see it first?!"
"Yes. I might throw up. I need you to do it and just explain it to me. It will ease me into the reality of how much trouble I'm in."
I exhale and start to get out of the car. As I walk around the front I keep reminding myself to control my facial expressions. I turn the front drivers side headlight and what I see is not only shocking but hilarious. I bust out laughing, throwing my head back, as a wave of relief whooshes over me. Vegas, thinking I'm being horribly mean starts yelling, "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!!!"
I tell her to get out of the car but don't open her door; she has to climb out the passenger side to get the full effect. Vegas does what I say and as she jogs over to look, she too laughs uncontrollably. To her great surprise her car is not mangled and dented, but in fact there is a 3ft by 3ft tumbleweed attached to her door and under her car. The people driving past us weren't noticing body damage, they were pointing and probably extremely curious as to why there was a tumbleweed almost the size of the car door connected to the driver side of the car.
After many attempts to break down the thick tumbleweed, we succeed and Vegas starts looking over the car for any new scrapes and dents. Funny enough she bought her car used so it already had a few dings here and there and she really couldn't tell what was old and what was new.
Feeling relieved, she comes to the conclusion that we don't need to tell her parents about this little mishap. If she can't see a difference in the car then they surely won't and we start the engine and make the rest of our trip safely to the beach. We pulled up to the condo and are greeted by her family. "The drive was great." "Only had to get gas twice.""How'd the car drive?" Blah blah blah. Nobody said anything about the accident and it was obvious that we were in the clear. Her parents turn and made their way to the sand when Ben, Vegas' kid brother walks over with his nose all turned up and his eyebrows furrowed. "Dude, what happened to your car?!?!"
Our jaws dropped, of all the people to see a difference it was him. Kids always surprise you! On our way home we took a picture of the missing sign and skid marks on the road. Now whenever I see a bent or missing road sign I always think, "I wonder what the story is with that one."