He Was A Food Fish, Except When He Tried To Jump Out Twice

My friend, Sawyer, has 4 awesome kids whom I adore. They are good kids with big hearts and I just love them! One day in March of 2010, while babysitting the kids, one of them suggested I get a fish to keep at work and it will be our mascot. Thinking this was an excellent idea I took 2 of Sawyer's children to the pet store and we, very carefully, picked out the perfect beta. I gave the job of naming our new little friend to the kids and it was decided he would be called Joshua.

Joshua was a hit around my work place and he quickly became a favorite among customers and employees. Duffy took a liking to him fastest because she is the receptionist and at times Joshua was the only one keeping her company during her time at the front desk. Day after day Joshua became a fixture in the office and we started calling ourselves the Beta's in his honor. (I'm serious, I have a birthday card that says "PS GO BETAS" on the inside of it.)
He really was a good fish. The only time he was remotely considered to be misbehaving was the time he went all "Flipper" on us and jumped out of his bowl. The first time he did it we thought for sure he landed in  the hood of Duffy's sweatshirt but that was a false alarm.
 He survived unfortunate events like the time I lost his fish food and started tossing in dog food crumbs....or the time I had him on top of my fridge and then moved and forgot about him for a week-but when I came back to the old house he was still alive and better than ever. When I went on vacations Sawyer's family diligently took care of him and I know he enjoyed his time there. Joshua was living a stress free life and was very much loved and appreciated.
Disaster hit yesterday, February 3, 2011. I was on my way to work when I got a call from Duffy; I had just talked to her so I knew something bad had just happened. It had been unreasonably cold for Tucson, AZ and all over town water pipes were breaking and people's heat was not working.
"Hello?!!?" I said in a panicked voice.
There was silence and then a quiet, "Hey"
"What is wrong?" I ask, dreading the answer.
Duffy took a deep breath and then spoke these words,"....Joshua died in the freeze last night!"
I gasped uncontrollably, shocked and saddened by the news. I start throwing out phrases like "I feel so guilty!" "He was such a good fish" and "What are we gunna tell the kids?!?!" I tell Duff I'm turning into the parking lot now and I'll be in soon.
I walked through the door and there is Duffy, alone at the front desk. She has moved Joshua to the back closet because the sight of him floating at the bottom was just too much for her. I just looked at her, with her Uggs, two sweatshirts, leggings, and scarf...she was first to break the silence. "It's a sad day at the office...we lost one of our own."
We start making up a plan as too what we are going to do next. Duffy insists on a proper burial and nixed the flushing down the toilet idea. As we were standing there just looking at our floating fish Duffy chimed in," I feel like if we had a reality show this would be the point where they would cut to a montage of all the times we had with him, swimming, happy, alive."  I called Sawyer and she too was shocked but after everything else he had survived at least we know he's mortal now.
One by one co-workers came in and we had to tell them about losing Joshua. Later last night facebook status's were dedicated to our finned friend:

 Duffy: Joshua, you were my best friend and unselfishly kept me company everyday at the front desk. I love you! Go BETAS<3 NEVER FORGOTTEN

Gemma: R.I.P Joshua. you were a wonderful mascot and I always enjoyed feeding you and singing your name. BETAS LIVE ON

Mae:  Today was a sad day at work...we lost one of our own. REST IN PEACE Joshua! You were the best BETA FISH an office could ask for.

Today Duffy and I are going to decide whether to purchase a second beta, it has already been determined we will be buying a different bowl and possibly giving the new fish and name starting with J or the middle name of Joshua.

Duffy vs The Camera

Duffy has this running joke about how she's not photogenic. The thing is, its not that she can't take a good picture (she's very pretty), its that the camera always catches her mid blink or at just the wrong moment. The following pictures have been selected by Duffy, herself, for your enjoyment and also your understanding of what I'm talking about...

Duffy vs Halloween '08

Duffy vs the chicken wing

Duffy vs the Mac

Duffy vs the wind

Duffy vs ???

Duffy vs 3 fingers

　
My favorite Duffy vs the camera moment was at a graduation party for one of our friends, Badger.
I've talked about Duffy and Penny before but I've never mentioned that we are buddies as well as co-workers. Badger is one of our co-workers and also one of our close friends. For her high school graduation she had a Luau Party, and invited all of our co-workers (aka best buds) as well as her family, whom we all know well. Being a Luau, we dressed in our bathing suits and cute sun dresses...trying to be cute and festive, but no one had any real plans to get wet. The party was a blast: fruity drinks, great grilled food, and of course our great group of friends. As the sun was setting, the idea of a water balloon toss came about and it was GAME ON! We're friends but we are a competitive bunch (it wasn't necessarily about winning the toss, but about not getting wet). One by one partners started getting eliminated; in the end Duffy's team won and she was ECSTATIC about not getting her yellow terri cloth dress wet. After claiming victory our little group started reminiscing about the short lived tournament, when a small water balloon fight broke out at the opposite end of the yard. Tuning out the sound of kids and teenagers pelting eachother with the multi-colored balloons Duffy was completely caught off guard when a 9 year old planted herself before her with one arm stretched back. Duffy's eyes were wide with shock when the 9 year old (Badger's younger cousin) socked her with a water balloon right in the gut.(it was the perfect step, twist, and throw motion-- her P.E teacher should be proud!) The light hearted mood of the party quickly shifted into rage when Duffy spun around and yelled, "That's it! I HATE HER!" Holding back our laughter Mae, Badger`, and I tried reminding Duffy she just became target practice for a fourth grader, and there is really nothing we can do about it. Duffy began to cool down (partly because she just got smacked with a water balloon) as the party started to wind down. Friends started to say their good-byes and send their "best of luck wishes" to Badger for her graduation. It was literally two minutes after Duffy had gotten over the water balloon incident, when a girl standing close to her began to pose for pictures with Badger (this girl had kinda been on our nerves all night). As girl X swung her hand around for a photo moment she accidentally PUNCHED Duffy in the side of the head. A mild 'whoops!'was all girl X had to say for herself and she faced forward with a cheesy smile for her picture. Obviously offended, Duffy sarcastically chuckled, saying 'Its fine!' but once the girl turned her back, Duffy lifted up a fist with a snarl on her face whispering, 'why I oughta....'
Did I mention I was the one taking a picture of Badger and girl X? Because I was...which means i was the first to notice that with one innocent flash of the camera the hilarious moment of Duff's reaction to girl X was caught on a digital screen in front of me! It was pure luck at how perfectly the moment was captured: Badger and girl X with big smiles and Duffy just plain pissed.

 

lets zoom in....

how funny is that!?!??!

 The picture was eventually posted on Facebook and girl X was a little alarmed by it... whatever-she should have said sorry.
Duffy embraces her occasional "LOL" pictures. Personally, without them scrolling through my camera's memory card would be just plain boring.

Editors note:
Duffy, thanks for being such a great sport and helping me find pictures of you that make us all laugh. You are the best!

Duffy, me, and Penny - December 2010

　

Penny and the Earthquake

Penny and Me :)

I've known Penny since middle school. We grew up together in Arizona and while we've lived in different cities and just down the street from each other, our friendship has never wavered. I have a habit of calling Penny my little sister (no, that's not what my blog is named after...that's a story for another time). She is three years younger than me and ever since our early teenage years I've always felt maternal/sisterly towards her. What I'm trying to say is I'd totally mess up someone's face for her. (That might just be the funniest thing I've ever said...everyone knows I'm a lover not a fighter....but when it comes to family I'll do some crazy things to protect them.) Her family is my family and my family is her family. That being said our extended families are pretty connected, as well. So when I make trips out to California to visit my cousin/grandma/aunts/uncles, Penny comes with.
On one particular trip we drove my dad's truck out to Upland, CA for some fun time with the fam. It was the ultimate "GIRLS ROAD TRIP!" We had burned CDs made with all of our favorite songs- Penny and I are both known sing along and air guitar on trips just to the grocery store so you can only imagine what we are like on the freeway. We make it to my grandma's safely and start our mini vacation with the usual: family meals, shopping, driving down to the beach, etc.
One morning, a couple of days in to our trip, we were sitting in the living room playing cards (Speed, if my memory serves me correct), when I got up to go make some breakfast. Penny was also going to make her way into the kitchen but was going to pick up the cards first, which were scattered across the carpet. Once I walked into the kitchen I heard a deep rumbling sound. I froze trying to figure out if it was possible for a large truck to be in the neighborhood and maybe that's what I was hearing. Then things in the kitchen slowly started to jiggle; everything was shaking and the noise was much louder now. I am still very confused about what's going on. Everything goes quiet after about 15-20 seconds and I'm still confused until one thought crosses my mind-"Was that an earthquake???" Let me remind you, we are from Arizona...we don't have earthquakes in Arizona so we don't know what one is like!
I jog out in to the living room where Penny is standing and massaging her temples. I'm too excited about just being in an earthquake to ask what exactly is wrong and instead just smile and yell, "Penny!"
"Hold on," she says, "you know when you stand up too fast and you get a little light headed? That just happened to me and it felt like everything was moving."
"Well it was moving in the kitchen too! That wasn't you getting up too fast, that was an earthquake!"
Penny seriously thought I was pulling her chain and trying to trick her. We stood there for a good 5 minutes debating on what had just happened; we decided to turn on the TV and see if there was any mention of an earthquake. Sure enough the first thing we hear is that there had been a mild quake and we were right in the area that would have felt it. Astonishment consumed Penny and we were both pretty excited about the whole thing. The phone started ringing with my cousins on the other end, knowing we have never been in one before, asking if we felt the trembles.
We still joke about the time Penny thought the earthquake was the result of standing up too fast. Actually, there are a lot of "Penny stories" that still get a lot of laughs and I am very excited to share them!

On the way to Mexico

I've been friends with Vegas for 15 years. Throughout that time many a memory have been made, most of which have some hysterical ending that gets almost any audience laughing. This is one of them.
Vegas and I have traveled a lot together. Usually people have stories about seeing national monuments together or running into celebrities. While we have, indeed, visited the Statue of Liberty and met Wayne Brady together, there tends to be some unbelievable experience which always overshadows the normal stuff (like the time when we were 15 and I accidentally broke her nose). The summer of 2004 Vegas had invited me to spend about a week with her family in Rocky Point, Mexico. They owned a condo down there and it was common for us to spend a weekend every now and then on the beach. The difference between this trip and others was not only did we drive in separate cars from her parents, but we drove down two days after they had. FREEDOM! It wasn't a difficult drive, about 4-5 hours...no crazy mountain ranges or anything and we were leaving early enough in the day that we wouldn't have to worry about it getting dark on us.
The bright blue, Dodge Neon, which Vegas nicknamed Billy, only had the radio and a tape deck. To keep ourselves entertained during the drive we hooked up my discman (yes, discman) to her stereo and rocked out to some tunes (ie NSYNC, Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, you get the idea). Our last stop for gas before entering Mexico was in the middle of nowhere. No cell phone service, no buildings, just a little convenient store surrounded by desert. Right as Vegas finished filling up an SUV full of guys our age...cute guys...pulled into the lot and walked inside. I looked at Vegas and it was then we both decided we should go use the restroom because who knows when we can stop again *wink wink*. Immediately after walking into the store we scanned for the cute guys who were scattered all over. Luckily, the bathrooms were in the far back so we had to walk by all them in order to reach our destination. Let me pause here...I have no idea why exactly we felt the need to go inside and look at the guys. We had just seen them in the parking lot, not like they were going to be any different and not like we were going to actually talk to them...its one of those things that you do and then later think, "WHY?!"
Moving on- as we slowly made our way to the restrooms one of the guys started to head in the same direction so I kept my eyes on him. My slight smile turned into a face of slight shock when the guy walked into the ladies room instead of the mens. Was that really a girl? Was he illiterate? Or did he just totally make a hilarious mistake and will soon realized he's in the wrong bathroom?
Turns out it was the latter and he came bolting out of there like a race horse. Pure instinct took over and I laughed...loud. Vegas grabbed me and pulled me into the restroom giggling herself but telling me to "SHHHH". I felt kind of bad for laughing so hard but come on, that's funny. Not even needing to use the restroom, the two of us sneak out of the store (I really didn't want to see that guy again, too embarrassed for him), and hopped into the car, blasting our pop music.
Vegas and I start re-living the boy walking into the girls bathroom moment with laughter; good times. She was behind the wheel and would glance over to me while we talked and everything was fine until she faced me and I looked forward noticing a major bend in the road. It was the kind of curve that had 4 of those huge yellow signs with one big black "<" (arrow) warning you the road is changing drastically. There may have also been a recommended speed while entering the bend but I can't really remember. I glance at the speedometer (which I won't give away her actual speed but lets just say, anywhere in the US her speed was ticket worthy). My only reaction is to point and scream as we quickly got closer and closer to that curve. Vegas started screaming, panicked, and which hands on 10 and 2 slammed on the breaks as we headed directly towards one of those big yellow signs.
This next part happened in a matter of seconds but I'll break it down for you:
You know that whole "my life flashed before my eyes" hoopla. That didn't happen to me. What happened was this all of a sudden major sense of "when we hit that sign is it going to bust through the windshield and possibly decapitate me?!" That may be gory but its the honest truth of what I was thinking. I ducked my head and braced for impact....NOTHING. We ran over that sign like a bowling ball over a blade of grass. Hats off the the engineers behind making sure the signs aren't harmful when morons like us aren't paying attention. I can only imagine what it might have looked like to see that little blue Neon flying off the freeway and into the desert. With her foot still on the brakes, Vegas was in a frightened trance as we both held on and screamed. The desert sand made the tire treads pretty worthless and we just couldn't stop. It kind of felt like we were on the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland except for this was real! The car finally came to a stop when we hit a small tree.
This may be a figment of my imagination but I remember a little smoke fuming out of the hood. The car was silent and Vegas started hyperventilating and making this awful half crying noise. Trying to avoid a hysterical meltdown, I held it together and with a chipper voice said, "Its ok. We're fine. Its fine. We will just get out our cell phones and call someone," knowing all too well that we don't have cell service and who are we going to call? We are just outside Mexico! Still not speaking English or any form of it Vegas is fanning her face looking around for who knows what. I take the keys out of the engine (in movies stuff always blows up and while I can deal with our car hitting a sign, barreling into the desert, and hitting a small tree, I'm not down with the whole escaping out of a burning vehicle. I mean, I'd do it if I had to, but lets not take any chances). In the review mirror I see a car coming down the freeway. Yes, they are sure to stop and make sure the girls in the blue car, in the middle of shrubbery, are ok...right??? As the SUV got closer we could tell it was the guys from the gas station...and they just kept on driving!!! Apparently that's all Vegas needed and broke the silence with, "ASS HOLES!!!" Awww, shes back. *tear*.
"Now what?" She asked. I suggest turning the car back on and seeing if it even runs and then we will go from there. It does. Next, Vegas puts it in reverse and slowly backed out of the desert jungle we got ourselves into. As the car starts to pull away she gets to thinking, "How bad do you think the damage is?"
"I can get out and look but I'd rather do it on the pavement because of snakes and critters", I say.
She understands and decides we will pull off at the next exit and assess the damage. As we make our way back down the freeway, every car that passes us points and stares. Crap! The car must really look beat up from the outside for people driving past to notice. One by one, as the cars pass us Vegas starts to worry. "My parents are going to kill me!" I kept trying to talk it down and told her we just have to wait and see. Finally an exit appeared and we pulled into a small parking lot.
"I can't look. You do it," Vegas whines.
"Veg, I'm nervous too. You really want me to see it first?!"
"Yes. I might throw up. I need you to do it and just explain it to me. It will ease me into the reality of how much trouble I'm in."
I exhale and start to get out of the car. As I walk around the front I keep reminding myself to control my facial expressions. I turn the front drivers side headlight and what I see is not only shocking but hilarious. I bust out laughing, throwing my head back, as a wave of relief whooshes over me. Vegas, thinking I'm being horribly mean starts yelling, "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!!!"
I tell her to get out of the car but don't open her door; she has to climb out the passenger side to get the full effect. Vegas does what I say and as she jogs over to look, she too laughs uncontrollably. To her great surprise her car is not mangled and dented, but in fact there is a 3ft by 3ft tumbleweed attached to her door and under her car. The people driving past us weren't noticing body damage, they were pointing and probably extremely curious as to why there was a tumbleweed almost the size of the car door connected to the driver side of the car.
After many attempts to break down the thick tumbleweed, we succeed and Vegas starts looking over the car for any new scrapes and dents. Funny enough she bought her car used so it already had a few dings here and there and she really couldn't tell what was old and what was new.
Feeling relieved, she comes to the conclusion that we don't need to tell her parents about this little mishap. If she can't see a difference in the car then they surely won't and we start the engine and make the rest of our trip safely to the beach. We pulled up to the condo and are greeted by her family. "The drive was great." "Only had to get gas twice.""How'd the car drive?" Blah blah blah. Nobody said anything about the accident and it was obvious that we were in the clear. Her parents turn and made their way to the sand when Ben, Vegas' kid brother walks over with his nose all turned up and his eyebrows furrowed. "Dude, what happened to your car?!?!"
Our jaws dropped, of all the people to see a difference it was him. Kids always surprise you! On our way home we took a picture of the missing sign and skid marks on the road. Now whenever I see a bent or missing road sign I always think, "I wonder what the story is with that one."
　

Apartment #2102

     2005 was a year of fun. It was also the year that Vegas and I put our friendship to the test and decided to move in together. I've heard horror stories about best friends sharing a place and in the end the friendship was ruined. Vegas and I didn't really think about that, for us it was signing a lease that stated we could have a twelve month sleep over. SCORE! Ultimately, it really only brought us closer and I think the biggest disagreement we had was about the blinds facing the wrong direction. (I'm left handed and apparently it was nails to a chalk board when the curved part of the vertical strips were facing inside instead of out. I'm telling you, its a right-handers world out there and us lefties can't catch a break.)
     Apartment #2102 was a real turning point in our lives. It was the first time we both were completely on our own. We turned 21 in that place. It was where I lived when I became friends with John, the man Vegas would end up marrying. So many memories were made in that apartment and thinking about it brings back warm and fuzzy feelings....but don't let all this reminiscing fool you. It was not a beautifully furnished flat, with a view and marble counter tops. Let me paint you a picture of what this home of ours was really like.
     Our place was a 2 bed 2 bath apartment on the second floor. Our balcony did over look the pool which was kind of nice but we didn't have a washer/dryer hookup so that stunk. Hiking our laundry up and down was a pain so needless to say I would wear everything I owned before actually making that hike. The same went with trash bags. At first we took out the garbage as soon as it got full. Then only in the day time. Eventually, we just started a pile up trash bags at the door and would take them out together when it got ridiculous. (Typing this is embarrassing but funny and oh so true.) Finding a time when we were both home to actually take out the trash was tricky. I had a nanny gig that I left for at 6:45am, after which I had my other job until 9pm, and by the time I got home it was time to attend my online college courses. Vegas, on the other hand, had cosmetology school from noon to 8pm on the opposite side of town. After class she would either study or hangout with friends and neither of us felt like engaging in domestic duties. I will say, we could get that place looking like little orphan Annie and her friends had been cleaning all day in NO TIME.
The decor of the apartment was...interesting? We didn't really have top of the line furniture, I mean come on we were 20, but we had a couch, a chase, coffee table, dining room table, the necessities were covered. We were desperately lacking wall art so when a friend of ours who worked at Abercrombie said he would give us one of those giant posters of some all-American, guy next door with wash board abs and a shaggy hair cut, we jumped at the offer. We ended up hanging that poster on the wall you first saw when walking into the apartment. The beautiful black and white photo was slanted because the poster was really that big and couldn't fit standing straight up. Marveling at our new found treasure we decided to named the guy in the poster Hank and routinely greeted him when entering the apartment and threw him a peace sign when we left. Hank was pretty popular amongst our friends and was a common prop in pictures.
     Our kitchen was pretty standard: sink, dishwasher, stove, blah blah blah. Half of the cabinets were Vegas's territory and half were mine. The fridge was anyone's domain but we tended to eat what we paid for and it was never a problem. Speaking of eating, I'm sure you can count on both hands times we actually ate at the table during that year. We loved watching certain sitcoms together while enjoying a meal. Vegas was also, and still is, a big fan of celebrity gossip and Hollywood in general. It was normal for her to shout things like, "Yeah right, Beyonce!"
We each had our own bathroom which was great. The only downfall was mine was accessible  both by the hallway and by my room so if we had people over I'd to be the one scrubbing porcelain. Vegas had the master bedroom although both rooms were very similar in size. Our rooms were right across the hall from each other but late at night, if we were both cozy in our beds, we would use our cell phones to call each other if we had something to say. You see, not only did we have a television in the living room but each of us had one in our bedroom. (Spoiled brats.) It was just easier to speed dial if I had something funny to say about Grey's Anatomy than actually get up, cross the hall, and walk into her room. (okay, lazy spoiled brats.) Those mini phone calls held a lot of juicy conversations:
exhibit A: "The guy I'm dating doesn't have a belly button!"- Vegas
exhibit B: "Turn on channel 13 News at 10. I'm dating that weather man and he's on right now!"- Vegas
exhibit C: "Mississippi River!" - Me answering the question to a game being played in the living room
(I swear, all of the above statements are true!!! Vegas dated some interesting people and I was always ruining games by playing from my room.)
For an entire year all that stood between me and my best friend was a hallway. It rocked. I think half the reason us living together went so well was because we have been friends since 1996, surviving middle school and high school together. Living together was a breeze compared to the past. Also, as you may have guessed neither of us are really a Type A Personality. The apartment wasn't exactly sparkling clean but it wasn't a health hazard either. Situations concerning the apartment were also categorized on importance. If it was life or death (i.e. the time the door knob broke off when I came home mid-day, Vegas was already gone, and I was stuck on the staircase with no way to get in) one or both of us would step up and get it taken care of. On the other hand, if we could live without fixing it we just put it off until we "had time".
The best example of that kind of "it can wait" situation was when a vent connected to the AC started dripping water. The vent was located right in the middle of the hallway. I can't remember who was first to notice the leakage but I do remember thinking it would eventually stop... so we put a towel down. When that towel was soaked we replaced it with a different towel. This is the exact moment when we should have just called the office and had them come fix it....but for some reason we just put it off. Once we started going through towels fast enough for us to have to hike them down to the laundry machines we nixed that idea and put a cooking pot under it. As the water started to rise in the pot we noticed it had an orange tint to it, ewwww. Did that make us call the office? Oh no, that just meant we didn't want it to get on us, or our clothes, so we would avoid the dripping water at all costs. Walking out of my bedroom was a hassle so I'd just leave through my bathroom and avoid the water all together. Vegas, however, would walk out her door take a step and then have to jump over the pot and lean to one side simultaneously in order to not get wet. This went on for months. I'm serious. I think something else in the apartment broke so we HAD to call and when they came to fix it we explained the leak as well. I'm not proud of the laziness but it makes for a good story.
     There are many stories which take place in apartment 2102 and I intend on blogging most of them. The best part about living in that place is that I will never live there again. It was perfect for that time in my life and I am so thankful I was able to experience it. Once our year long lease was up and it was time to move, Vegas and I were a little sad to say good-bye. We had everything packed and moved out. The place was barren minus Hank who just hung on the wall looking beefy as ever. Vegas and I decided it wouldn't be fair for either of us to claim him as our own so we chose to pass him on to our friend, Penny. She is a few years younger than us and had always loved Hank. We wrapped him up and had a whole "passing of the torch" ceremony, Hank being the torch. Penny still has Hank and her Vegas and I are still the best of friends.

The Bee Story

I've had many requests for the full "bee story"...Duffy informed me that now that I don't have a MySpace people miss my blogs. So here it goes...
I'd like to preface by saying my good friend, Annie, sat me down about 4 years ago and plainly stated, "Charlee, I think you need to write a book. You have so many stories and totally random things happen to you! I think you could make some good money!" That being said, I'm pretty sure this story would make the cut of said book. Also, as fate would have it, "the bee story" takes place on Annie's wedding day...


I woke up on a Friday morning in May '09 really excited about my day. I was driving to Phoenix to celebrate the day Annie S. became Annie G! The actual drive up there is a whole other story in itself so I will fast forward to my drive home. It was about 6:30 pm- I was tired from the long day and ready to crash on my couch and watch some CSI. The moment I walked into my apartment I knew something was weird. Paisley, my psychotic black lab, was not eagerly awaiting my arrival. Instead she came trotting out of my room and just stood there. A huge difference from the usual jumping attack when I enter the door. Looking back the whole moment was very Lassie-esque, she was trying to tell me something. Curious, I walked into my room to see why she was acting so weird...I was expecting to find that she had chewed something she wasn't supposed to...standard.
As soon as I walked into the room I heard buzzing. I turn and find 3 bees around the lights. "Why are there bees?!" I yelled to my dog. I took a deep breath and walked to the kitchen to get Raid (that stuff kills on contact, as Duffy would say). As I reached for the Raid on top of the fridge I glanced up at my kitchen light, which to my horror is filled with bees! (I later counted 76 in there.) This is when I realize I have a bee problem and Raid is not going to help. The next couple of seconds were straight out of a movie. I looked at my hallway light, the windows, the floor. Bees everywhere!!!

Time out: I know what you're thinking, "This girl is overreacting, couldn't have been that bad." Well FYI I'm the kind of person who thinks she can, or at least will try to, handle anything thrown my way. Obstacles are my specialty and this was a big friggin' obstacle!
For a moment all I could think about was that Dane Cook bit where he says, " Who gets killed by bees?? Killer horses, now that's scary stuff, but bees? No way, bees aren't taking me out!" I had little visions of the morning news running through my mind, "Local woman and her dog killed by bees."
I start to worry, put the dog on a leash and run out of the house while calling the apartment complex.
After spending 2 hours at my mom's house (my mom and brother were in Huntington Beach during all of this and I couldn't stay there because her dog and my dog don't settle down when with eachother and things get crazy), I'm told that "bee people" have sprayed and it is safe to go back home.
I walk into my apartment and it is so NOT safe. There are bees flying out of my air vents, swimming in Paisley's water bowl, and swarming every light in my house... I can also hear buzzing coming from my bedroom walls! I call to explain the problem has not been resolved but am told that I need to just wait it out. They seem to think the bees are just dieing and by morning they will be gone. This is about the time that I am sure that I am dealing with an idiot on the other end of the line. "But I can HEAR them in the walls and they sound very much alive! Sir, there are a lot of freakin bees in there!!" My worries are ignored and am once again told to wait until the morning.
So my safety is pushed to the side and I am left in a house full of bees. I shut all the bedroom/bathroom doors and stick towels under the bottom of each one. Bees aren't taking me out! I end up sleeping is my living room where I built a fort-like structure. The next morning I wake up to an even louder buzzing coming from the walls, lights, and air vents. Now I'm angry. Duffy comes over to help me take care of the dog and the apartment people, who obviously need to see this for themselves. A couple of hours later the "bee guy" returns, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. I explain the buzzing and the bees and he tells me to walk him through the house and show him what I mean. The moment I take him to my room the buzzing vibrates through the wall. "Oh man, you have a bee problem!" he yells. I smile and try to hold back my cheeky remarks- after all, he wasn't the one who didn't believe me. He tells he will take care of it and to come back in 30 minutes...by then they will be dead/gone, for sure.
Duffy, Paisley, and I return an hour and a half later to find the situation has only gotten worse. Not only has the bee guy called for backup but they are now in full on bee gear with the little hat-mask and everything! There are now neon cones with the word BEES on them placed around the outside of my apartment. I just stand there...half laughing, half crying. An elderly man watching the event says, "Man, I wouldn't want to be the person who lives there." Without taking my eyes off my home I blandly say, "I live there," and he starts to laugh.
The bee men huddle around me to explain what has happened, "Well, you had a colony in your bedroom wall. We had to cut holes in the walls to smoke them out. The problem with that is now there are even more bees inside but don't worry, they are dieing. We had to use a lot of chemicals so you should stay out of your room until Monday but the rest of the house is safe. Also, there will be a few bees here and there but not a whole hive like before so you won't die." The only response I had to this comment was laughter.
The bee people leave and I am left with hundreds and hundreds of dead or half dead bees in my home. Next, Duffy and I go back to my place in hopes of cleaning up all the bees. I get out my trusty vacuum and get to work. I begin to run the vacuum down the hallway. One by one the little devils that have made my past 24 hours an insane rollarcoaster are sucked up. As i get to the living room I start to smell something burning and look down to see smoke billowing up at me!!! I start screaming, "Fire! its on fire!" I quickly push the off button and Duffy and I run out to the patio.Once everything is safe we start to crack up. What a day... I guess there were too many bees for the Bissle!
In the end my place was bee free and I bought a new vacuum. Thankfully I haven't had another problem.

Oh, and by the way, I've never been stung before. Who knows if I'm allergic.

<---------My kitchen light